May 3rd, 2012
We’ve heard it before, but you only really understand when you’re going through it – it’s not that easy making a baby. In just a month we’ll hit the one-year-of-trying mark. It’s our personal deadline, and it’s a little scary.
At first, we weren’t really planning, per se, but as the months passed, we started being more conscious. I’m searching for information I never thought I’d want to know!
I don’t recognize this body anymore – one minute up, the next… down. It’s unpredictable, which frustrates every effort to make a baby.
We know it will happen. We’re so sure, we’ve already named you! We just have that condition, you know… the “we want what we want and we want it now” condition. We’re so ready for you, Isaiah. We just can’t wait to meet you. We’ve imagined what you’ll look like, be like…
We love you so much already.
We’ll wait for you. We’re ready when you are.
*As dated, you see I wrote this letter in May this year. The very next month, we had reached our “deadline”, and I had a dream. There was a nurse and she took some blood tests. She came back with the results and said, “you better start taking those iron tabs, you’re pregnant”. And so I thought about that dream all day. Probably into the next day, I can’t recall. But I finally decided to get a test. Alone. I didn’t want to get Husband too excited. As a single line started to appear, I thought – ah well, negative. I didn’t expect anything more. But then a second line appeared, and my heart raced as it got darker. Months later, the doctor told us we’re having a boy, but we knew that already – we had asked for a boy, we had asked for you, Isaiah (click on the American flag for pronunciation, here
Few people knew we were trying, even less knew how long it had been. We didn’t want to make a fuss, because we knew it would happen. Besides, we wouldn’t speak our fears into the atmosphere. It was a desire we had openly revealed only to God. Now it’s just ten weeks until we meet you. God always does it. I’ve experienced that He knows my heart, and He knows my heart’s every desire. It’s often easier said than done, but I’ll continue to call things into being, and trust in His perfect timing.
|Thanks to Smanga for these pictures.
You survived this very personal, soppy post. I will be taking a break from blogging for a while. I hope to write an odd post here and there, though. In the meantime, have a great festive season. See you soon!