Guest Post: Wife at 23

 As a young girl, I had attended a few special services and events at church, and I had always admired Darren, the worship leader, from afar. He seemed so charismatic and confident.
I was 21 years old when we eventually met face to face and I was completely taken by him. I knew that I loved him the first time we met. We celebrated my 22nd birthday together, and before the end of 2012, he had proposed.
The day that Darren proposed was so much fun, and a real celebration. I remember returning home to that one bedroom apartment of mine, getting into bed and thinking “Arlene, are you nuts? You’re 22 years old and engaged!”  The thought quickly disappeared when I had another look at my ring.

By the time we were married, I was 23 years old.
I never really felt like a young wife. I had lived on my own for a few years and I felt like I knew how to look after a house. That was, until I got around older, more experienced wives.
Let me tell you, as a new wife, its pretty intimidating entertaining people that have been married for decades, and I felt that there was a certain expectation from the people around us for me to “perform” well as a wife.
One of the earlier, cringe worthy moments was when we had people over to our place for the first time. Arg, it was such a mess. I felt quite uncomfortable and cramped having about 13 people in our little home. I was so insecure, I felt as though they were analysing everything that we had, and everything that I was doing, how I was serving. Once everyone had left, I felt relieved and could breathe again. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was.
A few days later, a friend of Darren’s had passed a remark about me not serving savouries at our first do, and I was crushed. Even though it wasn’t said in a condescending manner, I was really hard on myself, because I wanted everything to be perfect from the beginning, so that no one could fault me on being a bad wife to Darren.
As time went on, I found my feet, and stopped beating myself up and feeling guilty when things weren’t perfect when people came around.

Here’s what I’ve learnt in these 2 short years:
–          It’s ok when a few strands of hair are on the floor. I have long hair and we don’t have any help cleaning up the house.
–          It’s ok when people show up unannounced (once in a while).
–          Don’t compare yourself to anyone. No one is perfect, and not all of us will cook and bake from scratch, some of us are premix kind of gals 😉
–          It’s ok to have your husband serving drinks, hosting is a team effort.
Darren and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary in this month, and I know that I’m not quite the perfect wife, but I am the best wife for him. We’re a team, we’re one and we’re winning this thing together.
Genesis 2: 23 – 24: The man said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 

Today, I’d like to encourage any young/new wife feeling overwhelmed. Take a deep breath, and calm down. It’s ok. No one will throw a fit if the food is slightly burnt or undercooked. Just remember to do whatever you do with all your heart.

Thank you for this thoughtful post, Arlene. *For outfit details, see Arlene’s post on her blog – here. Be sure to bookmark!


One comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s